The Money Curse. It means a lot of things to a lot of people. Some people thing money itself is a curse. Some people think the lack of it is a curse.
I can tell you this. I see homeless cry and I see everyone going parasailing or jet-skiing smiling. Money might not buy happiness, but it can buy time, and that is the only luxury we really have isn’t it?
So, do you feel like you have the Money Curse? Which one, the fear of being poor like Jerry Jones or the fear of being rich? The fear of being rich is normally a fear of our inability to control greed. When money appears to be the cause of bad things, greed is usually hiding underneath. Money builds hospitals, museums and art galleries. It builds homeless shelters and sends medicine to people in need. Money itself isn’t bad, greed and misuse of money is bad.
So if you have a fear of money, get over it. If you have the fear of a lack of money as your money curse, let’s talk…..
Even though lots of people have this form of the money curse, your case is still younique to you as I like say. This doesn’t only apply to the money curse by the way.
The process to understand your own case of the money curse is simple and you don’t need to see a Psychologist to do it. You start by asking “what made me this way?”. And you keep asking until you find an answer. I do this all the time and the answers can be pretty interesting. You might need to ask the question for a long time before you find the real answer too. If this were easy everyone would do it, and that is why there is a field of Psychology.
When you want to change a characteristic or your persona, the best way to do that is to find the root cause or belief and replace it. Sometimes you will think you found it, and later discover there was a lot more digging to go. Nero-Linguistic programming, can add new belief’s but it works better when you start by addressing the old ones first.
For many years I have been described as a “workaholic”. Even now, I have four “jobs” and put a lot of time into each of them. When I sold my first business, my wife could see a very fast transition from workaholic to alcoholic. I was hanging out at the local golf course with 70 year old plus retired rich guys who started with bloody mary’s every day at 9am before hitting the course.
My wife correctly suggested that I go back to work so that I get off the path to drunk town. I believe she said “Get a job or get out.” At that time all I could think was “Doing what?” And “why couldn’t I just find a hobby?” Eventually, I went to work for someone else, and quickly decided I needed another business. I am not the greatest follower, but that is for another discussion.
Some time ago I started asking “What makes me this way?” I know that my “work ethic” makes some people nuts. I also knew it was holding me back from bigger and better things.
After a lot of soul searching, I realized that my dad’s insistence on perfection was why a hobby wouldn’t cut it. It was also why he became an alcoholic, and why I could see that path so clearly. Fear of criticism. Deep down my Dad was afraid of his fathers criticism. Whenever we would see my grandfather, he would ask my dad when he was going to quit smoking for instance and my Dad would say “I am.” and go pour a drink. My grandad would ask “How’s business?” My Dad would respond “Fine.” and pour another drink.
My dad gave me that same fear of criticism. My poor golf game brought it out quickly.
Knowing this was a great start but I couldn’t find a way to undo this mental training, so I kept asking, “What makes me this way?”.
Money was another problem with my Dad. He had a great business yet never had any money. Living in the “right” neighborhoods and going to good schools is the blessing for a kid. Feeling left behind the other kids is the curse of not having money. They went to summer camp, I went to set. I really thought being a background kid on TV was what poor kids did for summer camp.
When I got older I got onto a show called the “Junior All Stars”. A predecessor to modern reality TV with competitions, and winners and losers. I was too young and immature to understand why TV worked the way it did, I just thought of it as summer camp, never knowing my parents were getting paid. Junior All Stars was the first time it was really fun though.
If I asked my Dad for something, he would simply retort “Do you have the money?” and finish with “If you had the answer why did you ask?”.
While that is a horrible feeling at the time for a kid, it is a powerful life lesson most kids today don’t get. At the root of the lesson, you are responsible for your financial situation and what you have, no one else. Life and financial responsibility crammed into two very powerful questions from my dad. The key was that he stuck to it and didn’t cave in. Either I had the money or I didn’t.
Ah there it was, fear of criticism coupled with a desire to get things without asking anyone else = my younique form of being that created a workaholic. My brothers younique reaction was quite different. He has a great ability to hold onto money and do without those things he wants. He’ll keep the cash in case a better deal comes along
I never went without anything I really needed growing up. I just got Van’s shoes because my Dad could barter them for dental work. I got Sears clothes because my parents made me catalog model for them. More evidence on my case.
In junior high and high school, I didn’t have much, so I feared criticism of the other kids and didn’t have many friends. One close friend worked in his family business after school and on weekends. My escape was to help as much as I could, for free. Working for free made it worse. I was busy but didn’t have any more money. My brother kept to himself saving every penny he could.
Eventually, I got my first job where I got the paycheck handed directly to me. Wow, real money that was mine. I was giddy and I was essentially fired because I still didn’t quite get it, but I did get that I now had a little money and I liked it.
The monster came to life.
Today I run a business, work as an actor and still fly big jets. The difference is that I now have a better understanding of one more thing that made me younique. I understand and why I was a workaholic, and why it makes me crazy when I see people just “give” their kids everything.
Knowing these little nuggets were buried in my brain I was able to stop trading hours for dollars, and find ways to be much more productive in less time while earning more money. Realizing my parents were getting paid for me to be on TV, and that shows like “Junior All Stars” were fun, I realized that work can be fun. I changed my business to make it fun for me, and returned to acting, because it was fun. To finish it off, I changed flying jobs, to make it fun too, even though I was getting paid less.
Lowering my work stress helped me stop getting stressed over little things like my 15 year old niece having a better iPhone than I do. I mean really, why does a 15 year old need an iPhone 6? I appreciate more of what I have because I earned it, and worry less about what other people didn’t. Except when I am paying my taxes but that is for another day.
I have changed my workaholic lifestyle into a careercation. All of my work is like play, and my time off is real time off. I couldn’t do it without knowing what makes me tick and therefore younique.
What makes you “younique”?
Scott Bourquin is a best selling author and business expert.